Abduction

      Don't ask me why I decided to watch this one. I'm pretty sure I predicted that this movie was going to be a flop. You'll follow my thought process if you watch the trailer to "Abduction". Frankly, I don't even know why they decided to call this movie "Abduction". It had NOTHING to do with an abduction! No one was even kidnapped through the duration of the movie, there weren't any failed attempts. Wait, maybe I'm just getting this wrong. I am a bit vocabulary deficient so let me check the dictionary..."The illegal removal of a child from his or her guardians" or "to carry off by force". There is only one possible way of making that title work for the movie but even that idea is up for questioning. Usually the title of the movie is the constant, you can't have people questioning your title! Fine, I'll lighten up. It's not like the movie was made to grab my attention. They made sure of that when they decided to have Taylor Lautner portray the main character.
      I'm only writing this entry because I wanted to follow up on my prediction and see if I was correct or not. It wasn't much of a feat anyway but I also wanted to do it for those who were curious about this movie. Maybe you want to know how Lautner acts in roles outside of his normal muscle bound wolf-self?

      Lautner plays the role of a "badass" adrenaline junkie highschool teenager who has trouble coming to terms with himself. He knows he's different from the rest of the crowd but not anything more than that. After learning that his "parents" are not who they say they are, he is placed smack dab in the middle of a Russian Operative war against the CIA. So through these experiences, he starts to piece together untold past and his origins. Honestly, I didn't hate the movie. There were some aspects of the movie I did like. For example, his guardians were amazing. I want to work out like that with my dad but... no dice. The soundtrack to the movie wasn't half bad, I actually enjoyed the well orchestrated background music. The screenplay was 99% folly but that 1% was used very well to tease my curiosity. They didn't "reveal" Lautner's real father till the very end. Truth be told, I wanted the father to be Mr. Vin Diesel so badly! No, I'm not going to tell you who the father really is. I mean they don't even clearly show him, but it's pretty unmistakable.
      What else... oh yes! Dr. Octopus also played a role as a CIA agent. Doctor Octopus as in Alfred Molina. I have a knack for calling people by their previous cinematic role names. I think he's a brilliant actor and it's tough to call him out on anything because he just has that aura about him. This movie needed him, if he wasn't in there with Sigourney Weaver, ah this movie would have had an even worse rating. What was it? 3.6/10 the last time I checked. So let's get down to it shall we? Will I watch this again? The only way this movie will be in my line of vision again will be if I'm to entertain my future niece and that, if she wants to really badly.

Don't Be Afraid of The Dark

      Honestly, stress has been having a prolonged stakeout in my head for these past couple of days. If you ask me about the origins of the nervousness, school's the culprit. This part of the "Drugs and Disease" course was said to be easier than the other two parts. Easy my ass. I studied for hours on end and I still came out of that final with a "what the fuck just happened" look. In all seriousness, I can't afford to fail this course. As you can see, I need an outlet. So, why not a movie post. With my current luck, I'm bound to watch a really bad flick but this won't necessarily be a bad thing. It'll give me an excuse to flip shit on it. That'll speed up the healing process a bit won't it?

      What do you know about director Guillermo del Toro? Name sounds familiar? It should. He directed mainstream movies which include: Pan's Labyrinth, The Hellboy Series, Kung Fu Panda, Splice, and yadayadayada. What's the common theme in all of these flicks? Don't say that they were all crap. Tell me, who didn't like Kung Fu Panda? Not even I will dare to write a bad review on it. The underlying theme in all of these is the idea of fantasy or the belief in the fantastical. So, it's easy to predict what's to come from this film. Matter of fact, the whole introduction of this movie came off as very animated. Now wait a minute, I first chose to watch this film because I wanted to watch a new horror film. When you have a title like "Don't be afraid of the Dark", I mean, you should have ominous music spilling out of every pore in the scene to compensate right? Not Disney introductions. It looks like del Toro thought he was exempt.

      Guy Pearce, Katie Holmes, and Bailee Madison star in this 1973 horror movie that retells their troubling experiences with the goblins of the Netherworlds...Ok, it's not a movie from the seventies but hell, it sure seems like it should have been. The music, the crude transitions, the repeating screen shots of the Blackwood Mansion, all made it seem as if the movie industry rolled back the clock a billion times. Just as a side note, is it just me or is Guy Pearce seem like a cross between Brad Pitt and Matt Damon? 

      Anyway, Pearce played the role of Alex, a work-oriented father, divorced, who wants to get his career back on track by remodeling and selling the Blackwood Mansion. Little does he know about it's daunting history that was forcibly hidden from the public. Besides, one or two lines, I thought Pearce did a good job. Nothing much to say about Katie Holmes since the movie was predominantly centered on Bailee Madison, who played the role of Sally, a medicated, troubled, divorce torn youngster. Child actors tend hit home every time. I'm pretty sure that if I did say something bad about her acting, I would be escorted straight to the gates of hell without a seconds notice. 

      I'm trying really hard not to give away the ending but it's not like you wouldn't figure it out within the first fifteen minutes of the movie. This review is long enough. Would I hit the replay button on this one? Hell to the no. I'm telling you it's a waste of time. But if you are bad-ass and watch it anyway, I want you to let me know what you thought about the librarian's comment about the Vatican's involvement in all of this. I thought that idea was pretty freaking hilarious. Since when did the Vatican like to share children? 

Apollo 18

      I seem to have pulled up to a labyrinthine "fork" in the road. Of course, physically, a crossroad seems to be much too simple to be considered a maze-like experience but when referring to one's resulting mental duress, it is nothing short of one. I am trying to determine whether I want to do one of two things. Should I talk about the jellyfish-shaped cloud structures that were aimlessly floating in the sky? Or, should I help you out in your quest for the perfect movie? Such a difficult choice! Actually, it's a no brainer. I only wrote this paragraph...Yes! You guessed it...to use the word "labyrinthine". 
      Who's up for a movie that will keep you gripped to the edge of your seat and strained with suspicion all the way till the end credits? Well, you won't do either one watching Gonzalo López-Gallego's "Apollo 18". I had to be blunt because I was given no other choice. Gallego hails from Madrid, Spain, and has racked up multiple Movie Festival awards and nominations for his movies: 2001-"Nomadas", 2003-"Sobre el Arco Iris", and finally his 2007-"El Rey de la Montana." Unfortunately, it looks as if this time around, he's going to be walking home empty handed.

      "Apollo 18" was an "account" of the experiences of two cosmonauts who found themselves questioning their purpose in a lunar mission. The word account was placed in parentheses due of the awkward style of shooting that was introduced into this film. At first, I believed that I was participating in a documentary-like production, however; minutes into the movie, documentary melted into what became an "account". The movie was basically a conglomeration of many different angled video recordings of the two astronauts and their surrounding area. To tell the truth, a large portion of the movie was just interference that these two characters faced in both their telecom and visual systems. In other words, I was staring at either a black screen or static. Not much to see there. 
      I firmly believe the film would have been better off and more believable if only one or two focal points were used. That's my two cents. Take it or leave it.  Aside from the director's style, the film was very straightforward. Prior to entering the theater, please check your brain at the appropriate counter. All the answers to any questions that arose were answered almost immediately, allowing the viewer to easily predict both the plot and the ending. However, if you are a person who likes a flick that attracts your attention only fifteen minutes before the cast names starts scrolling, then by all means, watch this movie. I found myself finally interested to what was happening on the screen only to find that there wasn't enough time for something well thought out to happen. Would I watch this movie again? Not even the slightest chance. Even though the movie was only about an hour long, it was approximately forty five minutes of absolute boredom. With that time, I could have done three extended Extemporaneous Compounding problems. I would have hated every minute of it but at least I would have been satisfied after I completed them.

Dan in Real Life

      One of the many crimes of man is to remake movie plots of older and better movies, thinking that one can substitute actors and get better feedback from the audience. Don't do it! All you screenplay writers, use your combined intellectual power and come up with one original plot please. The thing is, I'm having trouble watching and enjoying older movies because I've already watched at least one movie, that released in the past year, that has a similar plot version. What movie am I referring to? Yesterday, one of my friends was curious to what I had to say about a movie that he liked very much: Peter Hedge's "Dan in Real Life", that came out in 2007. So obviously, I wanted to write a good review about it, so as I was watching it, I gave the movie the benefit of the doubt. After thirty minutes of the movie, I felt as if I watched this movie before. I started guessing what was going to happen in the next scene and to my disappointment, I was correct. But aside from all this, if I had a time machine that could take me back four years and, simultaneously, clear all the modern bias I have residing in my head, I would use it to watch this movie. Because if it was 2007, I would have liked it.

      Consequently, I will attempt to talk about the movie as if I didn't watch Luke Greenfield's "Something Borrowed." Steve Carell, the star in "Dan in Real Life", teaches the audience how hard it is to be a single father of three children and deal with the messy, life scrambling "Minotaur" that is love, especially if love comes in the form of your brother's new girlfriend. To me, there's always this sense of unbelievability when it comes to Carell's acting. But in this movie, he proved himself to be of a higher caliber, not too high, but higher. Partially because of the scenes that I thought were "bare" and required more of Carell's animated touch. He, undoubtedly, had more chances to really "wow" the viewer, but I guess the screenplay didn't really give him enough space to work around.
      Those who were responsible for the casting of this movie made it very obvious how this relationship dilemma was going to pan out, without actual lines being recited. To know exactly what I'm talking about, I want you to look at the photo above and tell me who's the better couple. With this in mind, there was only one way that this movie could come about; with an uneasy attraction between the characters played by Carell and Binoche. Regardless, I was continuously smiling at the chemistry between these two actors and unrelenting charisma that Carell never fails to bring to the table. Carell succeeded in making me feel afraid and helpless if I was put into his character's shoes. If I was going to watch a late night movie on the ol' big screen with a lady-friend, "Dan in Real Life" will be one of the first I would reach for. But would I watch it again, by myself? No, not really. But I do hope to live by Carell's ending lines of the movie. To know what they were, shed all your modern bias by the microwave when you're heating up the popcorn, and watch it.
   

India Trip Days 12-13: Bathroom Issues

      "I have a bit of an issue. Actually, I'm using the wrong word. Because there is a negative connotation attached to the word "issue", I'm going to say that it's more like a tic. If given a choice, I just can't use any bathroom I set my eyes on. It has to be one that I am comfortable using. The toilet must flush properly, the faucet shouldn't have dirty water coming out of it, and there shouldn't be spiders the size of Crocosaurus chilling in the corners. Diverging from the subject for a brief moment... Eight years ago, due to the scarcity of Western toilets, I have been forced to use the likes of "Eastern Latrines". Don't be fooled by the exotic vibes that that name gives away. It was one of the grossest experiences I had to deal with during my childhood trips here and it still succeeds in haunting me today. In order to for you to understand how bad it was you need to see it for yourself. I will not be putting up a picture of it because it will ruin this entry. So you can look up the words "Indian Toilet" yourself on Google images when you decide to knowingly compromise your day.

      The bathrooms here have evolved significantly since then, however; there was one thing I observed. Most of these houses don't have a separate bathtub in their bathrooms. Imagine yourself taking a shower where you regularly brush your teeth. That's just the way it is here. Fading back to my original thought...I'm comfortable with the bathroom in Papachen uncle's house. Here, instead of crawly spiders, we have sneaky lizards hiding within the cracks of the room and behind the light fixtures. Nice right? Furthermore, I could actually use toilet paper here, while I can't in the houses I visit. In these places, the only cleaning utensil that is used is a flexible pipe attached to a water source that works somewhat like a faucet. It's not easy to use this thing. There is some secret technique that my parents failed to teach me when I was in my younger years. There is no choice in bathrooms here. This is what I have to deal with and I end up leaving the bathroom, half soaked in water, with my hands covering my face in shame.

      Now, add spicy Indian food, as the little hot pepper on top, and you end up with a nightmarish battle between your digestive system and your self respect. I'm going stop all this toilet talk with that thought. Every time I say the word toilet, I feel dirtier. Right now, I'm back at Shwetha Bhavan. I feel great, clean, and full of energy. It's been two days since I left Papachen uncle's house to visit some distant relatives. We stayed overnight at Annie's house. Annie is my mom's niece and she had two amazing little boys: Jerry, the ecstatically playful one, and Jibin, the fun yet mature teen. 

      One of my favorite memories of this trip will be of the time I spent with these two boys. I almost didn't have the heart to leave. Early the next day, as we were leaving, Jerry understandingly said, "Ok, see you next year." When we replied that we wouldn't be coming back for another four to five years, you should have seen his face. It was one of disappointment and sadness. It's obvious, it's rude to think of leaving when you have only just said hello. It was a reality that I, unfortunately, had to face. But add children into the picture and it's borderline criminal."  

Fright Night

     Yesterday, I postponed reading The Second Messiah, to watch Craig Gillespie's "Fright Night." I stumbled upon its movie trailer, earlier in the day, and I was immediately intrigued. Maybe, I was excited to see what Colin Farrell had come back with after his satisfactory performance in "Terrible Bosses." Or maybe I was happy to see Anton Yelchin as the lead role? I shouldn't have been so excited. I have been dealt with crappy hands twice already after deciding to watch something new. Actually, I was more pissed off about the fact that Yelchin, with his substantially growing talent, has been brought down by these movies. At least, that's what's going on in my perspective.

      "Fright Night" is a vampire flick about young Charley Brewster, Yelchin, whose life is turned upside down when he learns the truth about his new neighbor, Jerry. You see, Jerry here, played by Farrell, is a puffed up brainless bloodsucker straight from the depths of hell. I should have to stopped the movie once I realized that Christopher Mintz-Plasse, known for his roles in "Role Models" and "Kick-Ass", plays a prominent part in it. I couldn't take the movie seriously anymore. I mean, sure, it's a fantastical movie about Dracula but just for that hour and a half, I try to forget that it's not real. They could have done wonders with this movie. Take out Plasse, allow Farrell to play the role of a semi-intelligent monster, keep the graphics, keep the musical score, and let Yelchin loose. Do this and you'll have a movie to contend with.
       I dislike movies that lack smooth transitions and a significant build-up to the plot. Especially with this kind of story, the director can't bring out the plot too quickly or viewer start thinking of the word "fake" a little to early. But I have to give respect where respect is due...Yelchin has started to show up actors who have been in business for years. When he talks in character about something, whether it is about how he feels or what he's going to do, I can't help but believe him. Give this guy a decent movie and he will soar; I have no doubts. Furthermore, I enjoyed the graphics that were spread, although sparingly, throughout the movie. But if you're thinking about watching this movie, I'll give you a piece of advice. Don't. Instead, watch Shia LaBeouf's Disturbia. It's essentially the same thing, given that there are no vampires, but you're sure to enjoy it.
   

Conan the Barbarian

     There were only a couple of movies this year that I was looking forward to watch. These included: Captain America; The First Avenger, Transformers 3; Dark Side of the Moon, Real Steel, and Conan the Barbarian. Let's try something. Imagine yourself stumbling upon a trailer of a movie that picked feverishly at your curiosity. Now, your friends started talking about it and they even sent you little links referring to the movie that brought your excitement to new levels. So you wait and wait until the months have passed by and the movie finally went public. What if it ended up being half of what you thought it would be? That's what happened to me with Marcus Nispel's Conan the Barbarian.

       Jason Momoa, known for his roles in Baywatch and Game of Thrones, played Conan who is a scarred wanderer who is on the lookout for those that killed his father and villagers. In his defense, his expressions and the aura of blood-lust around him added to the viciousness of his character. But as the movie went on he started to resemble Karl Urban's Ghost in Pathfinder. Guess who directed that movie? Marcus Nispel. Makes sense but I enjoyed watching Pathfinder. What's Nispel's excuse with this? The lack of character development and unsatisfactory transitions in this movie was something that could have been easily avoided. There is no doubt that Momoa had great potential for this movie but, unfortunately, what can one do if the writers took one night to write the screenplay? At least, that's how it seemed.
       On top of all this, the movie included a narration which sounded extremely out of place. The voice in the background sounded strangely like Morgan Freeman and I believe the movie would have been better off without it. It made the movie seem a little less believable than it already was. I know it's a fictional story, I don't need Freeman to indirectly repeat it to me whenever he speaks. (The voice actually did belong to Morgan Freeman.) The battle scenes of this movie were slightly above average solely because of the attitude Momoa brought to the table. Other than that, don't expect to have a lot to say to your poor friend who you dragged along with you to the theater.
     

I have the worst luck...

      At precisely 2:13pm on the 23rd of August, New York felt the tremors of an earthquake that originated in Virginia. Everyone in the five boroughs felt the aftershock of the 5.8 magnitude earthquake that struck near Lousia County. Everyone except me! My first earthquake and I didn't even know it happened. Patients coming into the store started calling home to their families asking if they felt the shakes as well. They were excited. At least that's what I would be at that moment if the ground underneath me shook me around a little bit. It was the second biggest earthquake take place in Virginia and here I am, sidelined, not being able to partake in history.
      Maybe I'm just over-thinking it but when's the next time I'm going to see a tornado or an angry mob of cyclones? Can I at least feel the 2.2 magnitude aftershock of an earthquake that occurred in a place that is more than 300 miles away? Nope. After my shift came to an end, I left for home to hear quake stories from the family. My sister felt the shaking but she blamed them on her inability to coordinate herself and her lack of balance. She didn't know about the earthquakes until I enlightened her about the situation. My mom was sleeping deeply at the time and, as a result, the news of an earthquake opened her eyes as wide as possible. All she said was that "See. Now you watch. It's all coming to an end." Of course, she was just joking.
      The idea that the world was going to end in 2012 hasn't entered my mind in a while. It may be because my mind automatically does a garbage sweep in the rooms of my brain every Monday and Thursday. Remember September 10th 2008? I was the guy who was counting down the days till the Haldron Collider created a black hole so massive that it ate the world. If there is a minute chance that what she says is true then I, damn well, better see a couple of volcano eruptions before I get punted out.

The Beaver

          Another long day of work...another movie night! I wanted to break away from the thriller genre and sit in on a family drama. For a couple of nights now, I've been skimming through the titles, just to see my options, and I passed by "The Beaver" once or twice. The strange feeling that the title gave off caught my attention and I ended up giving it a shot. 

      Bad idea. This movie, directed by Jodie Foster, stars Mel Gibson, Foster herself, and Anton Yelchin. It is about a depressed and mentally ill executive and father who decides to use a hand-puppet to turn his life around. Foster should have given this role to someone else. Sorry to say this but the story line isn't original, it has a take on the 2007 Oscar Nominee, "Lars and the Real Girl." Add this into the mix with Gibson's carefree acting and the only way this movie will shine is through the hard work of the supporting characters. You would think that Gibson, being a two time academy award winner that he is, would be able to really sell it. No dice. His character situation was serious but he turned Walter Black into someone to laugh at. 

     In my eyes, the only hope for this movie lies within Anton Yelchin's fresh acting. He certainly is the person to watch in this movie. He plays the role of Walter Black's son, who wants to be the exact opposite of his father. He plays this role with finesse. If it wasn't for his presence in the movie, I would have pressed the stop button midway. Overall, sorry Gib, I loved you in Braveheart, but you can't ask me to watch this movie again.