Changes

      Life's been a little hectic but the past few days has been an epic wind down for me. Epic because I've been bumming out a little too much. I missed two consecutive classes already and I didn't go to work for one of those days. To make it worse, I didn't even call. (I have never done that before. But it' alright, my boss was understanding.) After that final, I just didn't want anything to do with classes and plus the first few are easy to make up. All I wanted to do was lay in bed and I didn't really miss much. However, it's time to get back on my feet and be responsible again. What's on my schedule today?
Do an assignment that is worth 25% of my grade.
Go swimming.
Study three lectures of Drugs and Diseases, which includes two that I have missed.
Do an extended Laboratory report
Study Compounding.
       Nice huh? The only thing I'm looking forward to is swimming. I haven't done that in a while.

A need to relax

      It seems that my brain just crashed. I was forcing myself to go on but all that was going on in my head were the following statements: "I hate this. Why is this not finishing? Why is nothing going in my head?" In the middle of it, all I was doing was hating myself and hating the work. It's not easy loving to study but it's my life now. I have to find some way to enjoy it or it's going to eat me alive. Not just me, everyone depending on me. Sometimes it seems as if I'm actively reading something, the information is just transported into an abyss in my head. It feels as if my brain is running on empty. I can't conjure up that information later. Even if I read the same thing over and over again. Maybe its just that I'm stressing myself out a little too much. Hopefully, I'll get more luck in the morning. Probably what I need is a few hours of sleep and a nice hot shower.

Staring at Walls

      I have returned from a week writing hiatus, which for me is a long time. I usually do a daily entry but unfortunately, the last couple of days has prevented me from doing that. I was bombarded with test after test, midterm after midterm and I found only a minimal chance to take a breath. Once I did have a breather, I didn't want to write. I wanted to either sleep or stare at the wall.  I don't know what it is but staring at the wall has comparable therapeutic effects as Celexa or Xanax do. It calmed me a bit before the utter terror that is the Compounding midterm drove all over us students this past Friday. Surprisingly, as I was taking my exam there was a undeniable peace within me that helped me to move on from question to question. This is not to say that I did well but that I did it. Now that week has come and gone. Onward to the near future.
      I remember telling myself that changes will be made after this dreadful week has passed. Changes like finally balancing out work and play, doing assignments early, spending time in the gym, looking after myself health-wise, being smart with money, and actually cleaning the house. When a tough week like that comes around, I fail with in all of those categories. The basement was a dump, my bank account was in shambles, I added number of pounds to my body, and all the work that I had to do was put on hold. But... It's finally over and for a week, I don't have any tests to worry about and it will be put to good use. The Basement is spotless.
      My mind is clear and the arrival of snow marks a new time in my life. A time in which I will be happy. It will be a time when I do what my heart thinks is right and put others before myself. In the days to come, I see a more responsible me, a more solid me.

Diversion

      I know this post was supposed to be a movie post. I know. The last few days were just about studying for the Drug and Disease midterm next Wednesday and as a result, I really didn't have time to do it. No worries, it is coming. Soon. Not right now because it is 4:20 in the morning and I'm a little disoriented from looking at the course material for so long. Nevertheless, I did bite off a chunk of the studying that had to be done so I'm happy about that. You know what else I'm happy about? Tonight was one of those study while downloading immense amounts of music night.
      Remember how I said I was in a pop phase right now? You should forget that I even said it. The following is a list of albums and artists that I downloaded tonight. I can't even fit all of them to my iPod. I need an additional 6 gigabytes for all of them to fit. Never have I had so much music in my Itunes! It's freaking fantastic. By scrolling through them them you could see that I'm truly at a loss for which direction of music to delve into. But, hey, it doesn't matter at all. I just want to listen to some musica.
      Just to make things clear, it might not seem like a lot of artists but, for some, I downloaded their total discography. So if one looks at my iPod and sees that it's filled to capacity and is questioning why there is only about twenty or so artists in there, you'll know what to tell him.

Buckethead: Total albums 1991-2009
Daft Punk: Complete discography
Kavinsky- Three EP's
Tupac- Me Against the World 1995
Beethoven- Complete Symphonies
Bob Marley and the Wailers- Catch a Fire
The Stone Roses- The Stone Roses
Bruce Springstein - Darkness On The Edge of Town
Dr. Dre- The Chronic
Guns N' Roses- Appetite for Destruction 1987
Jay-Z- Reasonable Doubt
Jay-Z- Kanye West- Watch the Throne
Kanye West- Late Registration / My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy/ College Dropout
Nas- Illmatic
Willie Nelson- Phases and Stages
The Notorious B.I.G. - Ready to Die
Radiohead- The Bends
Pavement- Crooked Rain, Crooked Rain

Alright!

      It's only uphill from here. It could get worse, a lot worse, but it stops now. I'm pumped! I just took my Drug Information midterm today and I know I aced it. Sure it's not a Drug and Disease course but it's going to be my starting point. I feel energized and recharged to get through this whole shebang. Two extended assignments that will take me hours to do? Let me at them. Boring teachers teaching us a year's worth of material in two days? Music to my ears. Infectious disease midterm next week? I am going to mess you up.
      It's time I took this all to the next level. Time to study. I don't do this often but I'll let you in on what I'm going to write tomorrow, just because I feel like it. So here it is; tomorrow will be a movie entry on Nicolas Winding Refn's 2011 production of "Drive".

What Has To Be Done

      After participating in a very enlightening conversation regarding my current academic predicament with my university counselor a couple of days ago, I left the office with a couple of things on the brain. It's not going to be the end of the world like I thought it was going to be. That's not the same to say that everything is fine because, obviously, it is not. I still have to make up for that class by scoring high grades in my other classes. To tell you the truth, I find it very hard to find time to study for all my other classes when Drugs and Diseases is in the way. The class easily eats up hours of my time and is unmerciful. 

      I told my counselor about how difficult it was to balance everything and she talked to me about "efficient studying". Other than just saying efficient studying, she didn't really go into how I was going to do it. So I decided to change up my whole studying method and try something different. I'm starting to use index cards, which I haven't used in about a year, and I'm actually thinking about what are possible questions that are going to be on the test as I'm going through the notes. This are the kinds of things I should have been doing already but I have been a lazy student. I study by looking at the page trying to absorb the information and it wasn't working. 

      There's no more room for failure because there's no coming back from it. I have to be miles ahead of the program to succeed, which means I have to be smart about my studying and using my time well. I have to learn how to study efficiently. I studied for hours but ended up only studying 25% of the test while thers ended up getting eighties and nineties. Which is why I have decided to implement a schedule. Oh, how I hate schedules but I have no other choice. I can't even get up without my roommate pushing me awake. NEVERTHELESS, things have got to change and the laziness is the first of bad characteristics that has to be thrown out the window. 

FML

      I screwed up big time. How could I have been so irresponsible? My two good friends were involved in this situation but, I mean, I had the chance at fixing things and I just blew it. Where do I begin? Just promise me one thing, by the end of this entry please don't sympathize with me. I don't really need it. What I need right now is a nice tight slap zeroed in on my cheekbone.
      There are four labs that are integrated in our schedule. Three of those four interchange with each other: Simulation, Compounding, and Bio-Medical labs. This might be a little difficult for me to explain so just bear with me. We have one of these labs each week but they are not placed in any order. For example, I might have to go to two compounding labs in a row and then have a simulation lab, followed by a Bio-Medical lab. The key point to take away from this is that there is no particular order to when I go to each laboratory. We know what we have by looking at a handout which was emailed to us when the semester started. For our first Simulation laboratory, we were notified to memorize a total of fifty drugs along with their uses and class by the next Simulation lab. By mistake, friend #1 told us that it was going to be a Bio-Medical lab this week not knowing it was actually Simulation.
      I could have easily checked but I was irresponsible as fuck. We got ready for the Bio-Medical Lab quiz and finished our lab reports that were due on the second lab meeting. It was five minutes before lab started when friend #2 called and told us that we prepared ourselves for the wrong lab. This devastated me. We were supposed to be dressed up, ready for the quiz, wear a designated lab coat with our name tag on it, all of which we did not have for Sim. Lab. Notifying the professors of how we came to make such a mistake didn't matter. Our grades were already dropped one letter grade. ONE LETTER GRADE! I didn't want to do anything after that, nothing. I didn't even go to my two later classes, which were both important. Estos muchos Importantes.
      Ladies and Gentlemen, you are reading the entry of an idiotic student who doesn't know the importance of what he is given. The grade for the final exam I took about a week ago came out today and I didn't go check it. Honestly, I just didn't want to deal with it right now. I don't even know what I'll do if I fail that course. What will I tell my parents? What are my options after this?...I'm going to bed.

Don't Be Afraid of The Dark

      Honestly, stress has been having a prolonged stakeout in my head for these past couple of days. If you ask me about the origins of the nervousness, school's the culprit. This part of the "Drugs and Disease" course was said to be easier than the other two parts. Easy my ass. I studied for hours on end and I still came out of that final with a "what the fuck just happened" look. In all seriousness, I can't afford to fail this course. As you can see, I need an outlet. So, why not a movie post. With my current luck, I'm bound to watch a really bad flick but this won't necessarily be a bad thing. It'll give me an excuse to flip shit on it. That'll speed up the healing process a bit won't it?

      What do you know about director Guillermo del Toro? Name sounds familiar? It should. He directed mainstream movies which include: Pan's Labyrinth, The Hellboy Series, Kung Fu Panda, Splice, and yadayadayada. What's the common theme in all of these flicks? Don't say that they were all crap. Tell me, who didn't like Kung Fu Panda? Not even I will dare to write a bad review on it. The underlying theme in all of these is the idea of fantasy or the belief in the fantastical. So, it's easy to predict what's to come from this film. Matter of fact, the whole introduction of this movie came off as very animated. Now wait a minute, I first chose to watch this film because I wanted to watch a new horror film. When you have a title like "Don't be afraid of the Dark", I mean, you should have ominous music spilling out of every pore in the scene to compensate right? Not Disney introductions. It looks like del Toro thought he was exempt.

      Guy Pearce, Katie Holmes, and Bailee Madison star in this 1973 horror movie that retells their troubling experiences with the goblins of the Netherworlds...Ok, it's not a movie from the seventies but hell, it sure seems like it should have been. The music, the crude transitions, the repeating screen shots of the Blackwood Mansion, all made it seem as if the movie industry rolled back the clock a billion times. Just as a side note, is it just me or is Guy Pearce seem like a cross between Brad Pitt and Matt Damon? 

      Anyway, Pearce played the role of Alex, a work-oriented father, divorced, who wants to get his career back on track by remodeling and selling the Blackwood Mansion. Little does he know about it's daunting history that was forcibly hidden from the public. Besides, one or two lines, I thought Pearce did a good job. Nothing much to say about Katie Holmes since the movie was predominantly centered on Bailee Madison, who played the role of Sally, a medicated, troubled, divorce torn youngster. Child actors tend hit home every time. I'm pretty sure that if I did say something bad about her acting, I would be escorted straight to the gates of hell without a seconds notice. 

      I'm trying really hard not to give away the ending but it's not like you wouldn't figure it out within the first fifteen minutes of the movie. This review is long enough. Would I hit the replay button on this one? Hell to the no. I'm telling you it's a waste of time. But if you are bad-ass and watch it anyway, I want you to let me know what you thought about the librarian's comment about the Vatican's involvement in all of this. I thought that idea was pretty freaking hilarious. Since when did the Vatican like to share children? 

Wednesday the Fourteenth

      I know about two hundred students who are exponentially increasing in anxiety as each day comes to an end. Coincidentally, you can count me as one of those students. No, it's not because of either the half-empty threats of the nearing apocalypse or the possibilities of another brutal act of terrorism. The problem is Wednesday the Fourteenth. Curious as to what happens to us students on this particular date at 7:30 in the morning? Listen closely. At this time, renown professors and the doctoral elite of the university gather sleep deprived, fast food-filled, memorized-knowledge-vomiting machines into an auditorium. Here, these students spend the next two hours prying their brains open to complete fifty life-numbing questions. Yes, I know I'm exaggerating a little bit but only by a little.
      Students that came before me warned that the fourth year of the program would be the likes of one I never faced before. Within the first few days of the new school year, I experienced exactly what they were going on about. The Drugs and Diseases Midterm is standing on my doorstep ready to rap furiously at the pathetic barrier in front of it. Isn't it too soon to be having a midterm? It's certainly, not a wrong question to ask but it is a futile question. It will happen, whether I like it or not, on Wednesday the Fourteenth.
      This semester I will be taking three midterms and three finals. Doesn't sound so bad right? Well that's because those exams are contained within one course, Drugs and Diseases. I have five more courses, each with it's own midterm and final. Blew your mind yet? It's something all the graduates before me had to go through. It's only fair that I have to experience it as well. I have been doing pretty well with staying on the same page with the coursework and lecture materials but it feels like no matter how many things I cross away from my list of assignments it's no use. My agenda book is swelling by the minute with projects, group tasks, and projected dates for concussion dealing exams. As we speak, I'm racing to finish off the last of my "never-ending" readings so I could, finally, dive into previous lectures on Medicinal Chemistry.
      Prioritize. I hate the word. Although I should be spending time within the chaos that is Structural Resonance and Mechanism of Action, I'm bombarded with coursework of my other classes. It looks like I'll just have make do with the phrase, "Tough Love." You know what the funny thing is? If I was a Liberal Arts major, this would have been my senior year of college. I would have been a young mind ready to be thrust out into the "real world". Yet next year, you'll find me in a lab somewhere creating assays of drug compounds. Neat huh?

At War with Inconsistency

      There are things I absolutely hate about going back to college but then there are things I don't mind returning to. Trying to explain the feelings that flow through me when I meet my, tight knit, couple of friends is very difficult. It's just us four guys. We have known each other since our orientation three years ago and I still have a vague memory of the first time I met each of them. If you're not someone that I talk to on a daily basis, I most likely won't be able to recognize you the second time I see you. Not even if we talk for two hours the night before. Don't expect me to know your name, it won't happen. If you understand that then you'll know how important still having a memory of how we all started out is to me. These guys bring me to a place of peace, no effort involved. When we're together there's this sense of fullness that I get and it's a feeling that I want to have for a long time.
      Unfortunately, you have to take the good with the bad. You can't bribe reality. To me, going back to school means more half-hearted all-nighters and motivational videos to narrowly get me by. To find success this year in school, I have to be a new person with a new way of thinking. I can't take things lightly anymore and I have to be mentally rejuvenated. My discipline is as structured and polished as one of a fourteen month old baby. That has to change and it is changing as we speak. Playing keep up this semester is key because of the heavy course load and fleeting time. It'll be too easy for me to be left behind. Guess what? A total of three classes has passed me by and I have went to all of them. Thank you. Thank you. What's more? I didn't go to sleep yesterday until I finished reviewing the lectures that I had the "pleasure" of attending. First day of school and already attaining herb status? But this is what's going to happen every night for the next year and a half. This is what better happen.
      As of yesterday, I'm officially at war with my problems with consistency. I will be on top of my classes this semester and I will break this vicious cycle of mine. I have no other choice. At the rate I've been going, I've been acting like I could wing it and make it to the finish line. It's not going to happen this time like it did many times before. I might just get kicked out of the program if I don't rid myself of that attitude. It's time to grow up and show up.

Can't a guy sleep?

      I had a long week. Hell, I bet we all had one because of this damn Hurricane. Work this week was ten times crazier than it has ever been. All our patients thought that this hurricane was going to cause the end of the world as we know it. They must have thought among themselves; "Why don't we all just go in the store at one time to get what we need and all be a pain in the ass while doing it. It may be our last time doing it." Why didn't all one thousand of you come inside together with axes and pitchforks? That would have been better and more effective. I gave a major portion of my life this week to my job. When I come home from one of these days, I think of sleep and a peaceful time doing whatever it is I think of at the time. Remember, this week is my last week of "vacation" before school starts. I shouldn't have someone yelling at me, I've had ten hours of that already.
      Yet, that is what happens. Let's take a prime example of an experience I had close to midnight yesterday. While I was laying in bed quietly reading The Second Messiah, my dad came barging into the room, asking me what I was doing up. I guess seeing me reading wasn't enough but he wanted to hear it from my mouth for him to understand what was going on. He then comes in and asks if I was studying from class material. He looks one look at the cover and says the name of the book in question form, "The Second Messiah?" I just wanted him to leave me to my reading. He then made a quick reference to my below average grades in school and advised me to be careful. Thank you, I appreciate your input.
      This happened, yet another time, just a couple of minutes ago. I had just come back from another eight hours of work and because I didn't sleep well last night, I felt like dosing off for a little while. My dad started calling my name enough times that I could hear him calling in my dreams which woke me up. He asks me whether or not he heard me and what it was that I was doing. After telling him that I feel asleep, he made me repeat the words "I feel asleep" a good five times before he understood what I was saying. He then sees the book, which I was reading the night before, laying open before me and starts getting mouthy at me. "Why are you reading this book? Your main purpose right now is to complete this program and graduate from school. If you put just 25% of the effort you put into reading religious books like "Messiah" into school, you would have no problems getting good grades. I feel like I'm wasting my time trying to give you advice." Thanks, I really needed that pep talk; it couldn't have come a better time.
      My dad looks out for me and that's all he was trying to do. But its coming to the point that I can't read something or go online without making them think that I don't care about school anymore. Of course I care about school. Why else would I even want to stay in this six year program? All I wanted for him to do during that drawn out rant is to leave the room and leave me alone. I'll figure it out. But right now, this is the last thing I want to think about. As we speak, Kristen Kreuk is fading from that dream I was having and I need to get back to it as fast as humanly possible.