Staring at Walls

      I have returned from a week writing hiatus, which for me is a long time. I usually do a daily entry but unfortunately, the last couple of days has prevented me from doing that. I was bombarded with test after test, midterm after midterm and I found only a minimal chance to take a breath. Once I did have a breather, I didn't want to write. I wanted to either sleep or stare at the wall.  I don't know what it is but staring at the wall has comparable therapeutic effects as Celexa or Xanax do. It calmed me a bit before the utter terror that is the Compounding midterm drove all over us students this past Friday. Surprisingly, as I was taking my exam there was a undeniable peace within me that helped me to move on from question to question. This is not to say that I did well but that I did it. Now that week has come and gone. Onward to the near future.
      I remember telling myself that changes will be made after this dreadful week has passed. Changes like finally balancing out work and play, doing assignments early, spending time in the gym, looking after myself health-wise, being smart with money, and actually cleaning the house. When a tough week like that comes around, I fail with in all of those categories. The basement was a dump, my bank account was in shambles, I added number of pounds to my body, and all the work that I had to do was put on hold. But... It's finally over and for a week, I don't have any tests to worry about and it will be put to good use. The Basement is spotless.
      My mind is clear and the arrival of snow marks a new time in my life. A time in which I will be happy. It will be a time when I do what my heart thinks is right and put others before myself. In the days to come, I see a more responsible me, a more solid me.

Awakened Passion

Love can be as restoring as it is destructive.
How do you know you're ready to leave memories past?
The flame can be as deceptively gentle as it is aggressive.
How do you know you're ready to set out the reddened mast?

You aimed your heart at empty things,
burned were your hopes, torn were your fantasies.
Mistakenly leaving your pride in their hands,
In pieces it was returned like plucked delicate daisies.

Tossed aside plans and half-hearted words tower to block your sight,
The What Could Have Been lurk to infect.
When are you able to walk onward
conquering ill-fated thoughts so difficult to detect?

You've bore the burden of unfulfilled love.
Alone, you were left in the depths of guilt..
When is the right time to trust?
So you can let rise a paradise, the one that was always to be built.

A soul warming shiver will guide you as she passes by,
a thoughtful sleepless night will pry open your mind.
At a glance, the minute hand will start to double back,
take your time, feel her cure, for she was always yours to find.

Apologies

      Sorry everybody, you won't get much from me today because of the Drugs and Diseases final, which I am to partake in at 7:30am. I hoping I am ready for this one because this particular exam has a unique ability to shit on the recent midterm when just comparing their respective reference material. Anyways, my marathon studying is going to resume at three in the morning, which is less than three hours away. Until then, I'm getting my snooze on.

I Still Remember

      This one is dedicated to one of my best friends who is going through a rough time right now. He just got out of an almost three year strong relationship. It's going to be tough but it wasn't your fault. Remember, life's a long time. Just know if you need anything, your boys will always be here for you.

I Still Remember

It hasn't been that long

Since I saw a full smile on your face.

Yet it only took an instant

for you to give up the chase. 

I still remember the time.

Remember? When I would have given even my heart to you?

You meant the world to me.

Yet you, so easily, tore me in two. 

In me hides a longing for things to be as they started out,

When you said "I love you" because you wanted to. 

Here I am bearing out my heart

But you won't listen to me will you? 

Why'd you chose distance over me?

Why'd you chose the silence over my own voice?

Are you satisfied

To have played with my mind and pride like they were toys?

I still remember who you used to be,

Now just a foreigner by your own frivolity.

But I won't shed another tear for you, not one.

Watch me, I'm moving on with all my dignity. 

Dirty

My hands are coarse.
They have forbiddingly felt and wish to forget.
My eyes are heavy.
Each long for the nightshade to cover their signs of regret.

My room is dirty.
It is consumed with empty bottles and crossed out paper.
My face is burdened.
It holds the tainted complexion of a troubled sleeper.

My motives are guilty.
Too many intentions marred by ideas unwanted.
My actions are weak.
They only lead to easy paths frequently trotted.

It asks, what does it take to change?
My forcibly softened inner voice pleads.
How much dirt can you permit to derange?
It whispers; Enough. Raise the volume and trust where I lead.