Feeding Steroids to M.J.?

      I was warned that kittens grow rapidly but this can't be normal. Because of my Drugs and Diseases Final on Wednesday, this is the last thing I should be thinking about but I am given no choice. When M.J. lays by me with that protruding belly of hers, I can't help but ask. What is Purina slyly adding into their dry food formulation? Dianabol? Or is it Winstrol? Which one?! The fact of the matter is that the answer doesn't reall matter now. The effects have already kicked into full throttle. My once cute little kitten is rapidly evolving into a thick skinned saturated saber-tooth that sleeps three fourths of the day. It was once considered cute when she tries to bite me but now she's digging deep. When was that? Like a week ago?
      Opting out of getting her de-clawed when I got first got her was a bad idea. I thought, hey, a cat without its claws is a sledgehammer to the pride of a feline, even if it's a female. I should have thought twice. I have two pairs of dress shoes. The first, I have worn to shit and I don't really care what happens to it. The second pair is the moneymaker. I keep that one in great condition and use it only for special purposes such as interviews, special familial occasions, and formal celebrations. As of now, there are a total of eight holes on its surface. The heck? She went on to shred them right in front of me as well. They didn't even have a chance, it all happened in a split second.
      Afterwards, like nothing happened, she contently takes a nice dump in the litter box. What a life, huh? So simple, so annoyingly innocent. "Are you angry, my dear sir, at the fact that I clawed through your perfectly maintained shoes? Look deep into my large greenish blue eyes and have your heart warmed. Are you done? Now go get me that new toy that you bought over the weekend bitch!" Moral of the story, crash diet. I wouldn't dare but a scratching post, as soon as possible, would be a great start. 

Miracle At Paul's

      Before I start writing about anything remotely close to the title subject, I need to vent a little. Here goes...Why in the hell is George Washington Bridge toll now 12 dollars instead of 8? Has everyone managing The Port Authority gone insane while I was passed out last night?! I'm sure I wasn't passed out for that long. Despite the fact that I don't really use G.W. too much anymore, I'm entitled to be a little unpleasant. I remember a time when I used that bridge every single day to go to class which was ridiculous because I wasn't a smart driver back then. All I cared about was getting to school and if I had to be stuck in the same traffic jam every day, so be it. Then, I started to pay for my own gas...

      Alright, I'm feeling better already. I was more of a Tappan Zee fan anyway. Some of you readers, who know me personally, know the double meaning in that statement. You know who makes me feel even better? Give it up to the only barber in New York who I entrust the livelihood of my hair follicles, Arthur. I don't let anyone else touch my hair except this specific employee at "Paul's". Other than him, only a handful of ladies had that pleasure. Pleasure? Please, back then my hair was like a chocolate ice cream bowl with vanilla sprinkles. Gross, yes I know. Even Arthur told me to put some baby oil on the bitch. 

      For a while now, I have been keeping my hair in great condition; however, I also haven't cut it... in months. Do you know the growth rate of hair on my head? A half an inch a night is not rare phenomenon. I may be pushing it but you get what I'm trying to say. It got to the point where my friends have even advised me to get rid of what I had going on. My closest friends didn't have to say anything, they just talked about my hat a lot more than usual. Anyway, I had a full day of work ahead of me and because I was heading back to the "Basement" shortly afterwards, I only had  a small time frame to work with. After leaving work early, I headed over my hero.

      It was about 5:30 in the afternoon and to my relief the lights were still lit and the "Open" sign facing towards me. I came closer and read what made me wince. Saturdays: 9am-5pm! Looking through the window, I saw him still at work on someone's haircut and, clutching on to all hope, I walked inside. He initially said that the shop was closed and that he had to get to a family party. After showing him my hair and letting out pleas of desperation, he gave in. I now stand before you a few pounds lighter and a total douche-bag. Although, I did give him a hefty tip. Big tips always makes any situation better, even if the situation doesn't call for it.
      If you guys want more information about the toll situation, take a look at this article: http://cityroom.blogs.nytimes.com/2011/08/19/higher-bridge-tunnel-and-path-rates-approved/
     

At War with Inconsistency

      There are things I absolutely hate about going back to college but then there are things I don't mind returning to. Trying to explain the feelings that flow through me when I meet my, tight knit, couple of friends is very difficult. It's just us four guys. We have known each other since our orientation three years ago and I still have a vague memory of the first time I met each of them. If you're not someone that I talk to on a daily basis, I most likely won't be able to recognize you the second time I see you. Not even if we talk for two hours the night before. Don't expect me to know your name, it won't happen. If you understand that then you'll know how important still having a memory of how we all started out is to me. These guys bring me to a place of peace, no effort involved. When we're together there's this sense of fullness that I get and it's a feeling that I want to have for a long time.
      Unfortunately, you have to take the good with the bad. You can't bribe reality. To me, going back to school means more half-hearted all-nighters and motivational videos to narrowly get me by. To find success this year in school, I have to be a new person with a new way of thinking. I can't take things lightly anymore and I have to be mentally rejuvenated. My discipline is as structured and polished as one of a fourteen month old baby. That has to change and it is changing as we speak. Playing keep up this semester is key because of the heavy course load and fleeting time. It'll be too easy for me to be left behind. Guess what? A total of three classes has passed me by and I have went to all of them. Thank you. Thank you. What's more? I didn't go to sleep yesterday until I finished reviewing the lectures that I had the "pleasure" of attending. First day of school and already attaining herb status? But this is what's going to happen every night for the next year and a half. This is what better happen.
      As of yesterday, I'm officially at war with my problems with consistency. I will be on top of my classes this semester and I will break this vicious cycle of mine. I have no other choice. At the rate I've been going, I've been acting like I could wing it and make it to the finish line. It's not going to happen this time like it did many times before. I might just get kicked out of the program if I don't rid myself of that attitude. It's time to grow up and show up.