Flaw #457

      Having more than four hundred problems is normal right? Who dare deny it? You or is it you? Lol. Let me clue you guys in on yet another one of my personal flaws that I wish could evaporate into thin air: Giving directions and anything that has to do with getting from place A to B.
      Guys, you have no idea how many times my friends got angry with me because I'm just downright retarded when it comes to driving people to recently visited area as well as new ones. For example, last semester I spent every Monday working in a store about twenty minutes or so from my previous apartment. When my friends wanted to go eat at a diner that was in proximity to the store, I got us lost. It's the stress I tell you, the stress! Next example. I drop my one of my friends off in front of his house pretty much every other day and even then I sometimes miss the stop and end up having to take him back the long way around. Actually, just the other day, we went to go to Modell's to get him a sports accessory. What do you think ended up happening? I got us MIA, big time. We found ourselves in a whole different city this time around. In the end, we did come across a Modell's, unfortunately, that store didn't sell the product he desired. So we got it at Radioshack.it wasn't at Modell's but a Radioshack.
      My ex-girlfriend openly hated this flaw. One time, she said that she was hungry and asked me where to go. I don't know the city very well but I did come across a couple of restaurants and diners surfing the web. I gave her the name of a place that had good reviews but I guess I wasn't clear enough on the directions. She ended up sending back a heated reply about not knowing where to go and that she couldn't find that particular Bistro anywhere. As a result, she ended up asking a pedestrian for directions. Right on! Good decision. Thank the Good Lord for the creation of the GPS. Without it, I probably would end up two states away when I only wanted to get to the local Dunkin Donuts.

Her Name is M.J.

     Ok. Ok. I'm allowed one mistake. I took my dear time to finally realize that the little kitten was actually a female "in disguise". She had me fooled. I'm not about to make up a dozen excuses why I thought the malnourished one was a male. I'm just going to own up to my mishap there and just leave it at that. I'm not about to tell you that it was all the previous owners fault! He should have done a better job delineating the gender to me. Look at me being a complete and major asswipe. I love you Chris but you should have fed it more than once in two days!
      We needed to name her right away. I want her to learn her name as fast as possible, which from what I heard, is pretty difficult. So, I had to make lower my impregnable standard and choose the name my roommate wanted, M.J. Being the goof-ball he is, he wanted to name the kitten after Micheal Jackson thinking it would be funny. Not to knock the late "King of Pop", I just didn't feel comfortable to name the four month old after him. I don't know, maybe it was because...the kitten is a female! I'd rather name her Mia. What a standard right? Later on that night, my good friend and I were driving to the gym for a late night workout and I pulled up the topic.

      Supposedly, he liked the name M.J. as well. So after thoughtful deliberation, I agreed on the name, but on one condition. MJ is to stand for Mary Jane. I'm certainly not in love with the Spiderman series but someone had to come half-way for this little devil to have an identity. After being forced to type in the name Mary Jane on the Google search-engine by my roommate, I then realized that Mary Jane is another name for the chemical Cannabis Sativa. In layman's terms, it's some Bambalacha y'all! I'm of a pure soul so it's only natural that I'm totally oblivious to these things.(Audience laughs here. God laughs even more.) Without further ado, we now introduce to you our cross-gendered, racially confused, pot smoker.