Tuesday, October 4, 2011
36 Wings?! Is I stupid?
Forgive me if some of my sentences come out as incomprehensible or just plain redundant because: 1. It's too early in the morning. and 2. I have reached my maximum gastric capacity which makes me extremely sleepy. It was three weeks in the making but finally, I had my first experience at Hooters today. When I was younger, I thought of Hooters as if it was a strip club in which resided fairly young big breasted women. It was always considered a place I secretly wished to go to and never dared to bring up in a conversation. What? I was an ignorant, puberty directed boy who had nothing better to do but think and dream about these things. For those who are thinking right now, "He is seems like he hasn't changed one bit" I would have agreed with you a couple of months ago, but not anymore. (Don't take that seriously, it's a joke guys.)
I am forever enlightened. I don't think Hooters as a strip club anymore but a place where champions are born. Care to explain more, you awkward buffoon? It was only recently that I was told that every Monday, Hooters has a wing buffet special that costs about what? ten dollars? My roommate and two of our very close friends had already gone to Hooters before, without me, those bastards. I was at work at that time. It was rumored that my roommate had a cows stomach and ate twenty five wings, which didn't impress me. I was determined to beat that record.
Once we stepped inside the...what do you call Hooter's anyway? A social area with food convenience? A restaurant? I don't know but whatever it is, we stepped in it and the competition had begun. Let me tell you how we scored this. Drumsticks and actual wings both count as one point each. Pretty basic, right? I love drumsticks so I stuck with them for the most part, I think I ate about ten or so actual wings segments. My roommate loaded his plate with chicken bones pretty fast so both my other friends, who were looking on, were very doubtful of my victory over him. But never fret, it wasn't over.
Let me try to remember what seasonings we had...Hot, Spicy Garlic, 9/11, Daytona, BBQ, and Samurai. I think if it wasn't for the flavorings, I would have been able to eat a good five more. Nevertheless, I ate till I felt like throwing up and then ate five more. My friends were both very concerned but urged me forwards. What friends, huh? (It may not seem it but they are the best of people.) After both of us exceeded our capacity, it was decision time. And it was a.....a tie? It was a good thirty five points each and there was two wings left on the dish in front of us. My roommate took one and I just looked at the final wing in disgust. FOr that one moment I hated wings with an unrelenting passion and then I ate it. Afterwards, I put down money and carefully went outside to get some air to create some distance between me and all the others just in case my stomach decided to say "uh-uh". I didn't want anyone else to have involvement in that delightful experience.
In my eyes, even though I didn't beat my roommate, I did destroy his previous record and gave my friends a good mental ass-whooping. The thing is though, tomorrow, they'll still be talking about how I bad I felt after the wings not considering that I ate so many.Our friendship, there's nothing like it and life wouldn't be the same without it.